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Our friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome many hardships, which I admire. But, she has been repeatedly caught off guard by others. Her spouse walked away, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances vanished during that time, because they seemed only interested in her husband. This surprised her. She put in greater energy to be my friend, likely grasped more acutely what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, many in her circle vanished and she isn't knowing the cause. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, we have each stepped back from work leading to more each other more, however, I feel my role in our friendship feels one-sided. I open subjects only for her to redirect the talk toward things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds firm beliefs. I try to suggest verifying facts and different perspectives.

She is planning a trip to a country I know well on several occasions and resided in for a while. My intention was to offer advice, however, my input not welcomed. She essentially just desired validation of her decisions. I recently ended 30 days in that place she hopes to catch up, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to be a friend who cuts and runs without a word, however, I feel she'll truly comprehend the impact of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

One option is to walk away, yet this is seldom the easy answer we imagine. But confrontation aiming for working things out requires bravery and willingness from both people.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. It should be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing her how it makes you feel. This allows for no dispute about this. Your feelings are valid, of course. The third step is to ask ways you together going to change the interaction in your relationship."

Remember she too has a point of view, so you need to remain ready to acknowledge it. An approach that works involves stating your friend:

"Now you talk and I promise to listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's wildly effective for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

She could ignore your concerns, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative of their life they won't abandon because their very survival depends upon it and it's all they trust. This is difficult when there seems no easy route in such cases, just dead ends. But she may start out this way then consider about what you've said. If you never reach a fix, it provides satisfaction from having been open and direct.